The Idle Mind

Hell is not a place we go after we die. Hell is the place we live when we doubt ourselves…. when we live in fear, and when we worry… When we think we don’t know what we feel we need to know… we experience hell.

Hell is where we go when we lose faith in ourselves and mankind. Hell is life on the fence. It’s the empty feeling we get when receiving something that doesn’t seem to be enough. It’s the sour feeling we get towards others when we chose blame over accountability.

Hell is the result of following an impulse and not our hearts. Hell grows from the expectations we place on people and other things that are outside of ourselves. Hell is what we feel as well as the state of mind we enter when we wonder if we’re worthy of heaven.

Some of us have lived in hell our entire lives. Thinking we need someone to do something for us in order for to feel free. Thinking we need something great to happen to us in order to feel loved. Thinking we need to gain something in order to feel accomplished… While those things aren’t happening the way we imagine them to, we are experiencing hell.

We often have these heartfelt emotions in life that make us feel alive. Reminding us how human we can be.  When those things happen, good or bad, we get a sudden urge to express ourselves in ways we probably shouldn’t. Those type of impulses can be dangerous. While the line is thin, so is the division between heaven and hell. Knowing yourself, your true self, can make a world of difference. Decisions made from fear, doubt, ignorance, self pity, and all out indecision places us in hell, but heaven is only a heartfelt, brain-busting, soul clinching decision away.

If hell is a choice, then so is heaven.

Preferred Soul



So… You Think You’re The Shit

So… You think you’re the shit… How so?

Though equally disposable, the average actions taken by the average human being are far less than that of which he considers to be, “The Shit”.

Let me explain:

The shit doesn’t care what people think of it.
The shit knows how important it is for it to come out. Keeping the shit inside will only ruin whatever it is that has to carry it. So next time you get that gut feeling, express that shit, or you’ll fuck up your intestines.

The shit doesn’t try to be something it’s not.
The shit understands the importance of its specific responsibility. Its responsibility? To keep your insides clean. I mean… Holy Shit! I’m not saying the shit is a 100% spiritual cleanse, I’m just saying if you don’t let that shit out, your insides will go through hell. The shit knows this, and proudly remains to be the shit; long after it’s told how bad it looks and smells. The shit doesn’t really give a shit about what you think.

The shit tells the truth.
If there’s some bad shit going on inside you, you’ll know it. Not saying you’re a coward, but nervous insides usually produce some yellow shit. Upset insides usually produce some red, hard, stubborn shit. Unstable insides usually produce some random and loose shit. It’s all a result of what you have decided to take in. Like they say, you are what you eat. That includes what you feed your brain as well. There’s really no way to hide what you consume, the shit always comes out whether you like it or not. It also makes no sense to pretend shit is okay when shit doesn’t come out the way you’d like it to. But don’t give up hope, If you don’t like the way shit comes out, just do a better job monitoring what you take in.

Just as you and I, the shit has a job to do before it gets flushed away. We’re all here for a season… a reason. That reason is NOT to hide on the inside somewhere because we’re afraid of how bad shit might turn out. We’re here to turn out. That’s it… That’s all…

Everyone says they’re the shit at some point in their life, but most of us haven’t really taken the time out to really try to understand what that means. We just say shit because the shit sounds good to say, but in the end, if you don’t put forth the actions that back up your words, you’re not really the shit, you’re just another turd waiting to be flushed.

Be the shit.


What is stopping you from being happy RIGHT NOW?

What makes you feel strong?
What makes you feel happy?

Some of us feel strong because we can display the strength to stand up on our own, while others feel strong because they have learned what to lean on. Others don’t know the difference.

Let me explain:

What is stopping you from being happy right now?
Are you waiting for a chance? There are too many people saving up their money so that they can finally take a chance at becoming happy. Meanwhile there is a kid somewhere in the world who only eats but twice a week, has to walk a barefoot mile each day for a single gallon of water, covers his genitals with plants and leaves, and has never seen a television set… Through all of that she manages to wear one of the biggest and most beautiful smiles you’ll ever see. She knows something that the average American doesn’t, therefore, she is richer than the average American; especially the ungrateful ones.

What is stopping you from being happy right now?
Are you afraid of what others will say? Do you need anyone’s approval? I know it’s tough to actually believe in humanity and not simultaneously bathe in their opinions, but it must be done. An opinion is only a small/microscopic part of what man really is; so for him to base his entire existence off of it is kind of why man has not yet grown wings from his back and flown. Yes: Man’s limited opinion of himself IS stopping him from evolving. While there ARE still a few white blood cells that have been left in tact, the rest of them don’t believe in themselves enough to know that they can control things with their minds. Man is as bold and arrogant as the truth, but doesn’t believe in himself enough to create more of it.

What’s stopping you from being happy right now?
Are you happy to be alive, or are you happy to live? Too many of us are cool not having control of our own lives. The very air we breathe and each gallon of blood we pump have been dedicated to things that are not of the self. Sounds selfish? How selfish are you to not become the best person you can be for the people around you, instead of standing still and dedicating your life to continuously do things that you hate, simply because you feel “it’s the only way”?
We all take chances, the question is, are you taking a chance on yourself, or someone else?

What’s stopping you from being happy right now?
Do you need a relationship to define your happiness? I love people. Everyone should love people, but what we should love more than people is love. What you need is love. You must first accept love in yourself, then you’ll be able to accept that love about anything you want it to be in. Love is the image you have been create in. Love doesn’t own, hold, or possess. Love joins. Love yourself first, and you won’t need a relationship to define your happiness. That perfect person who comes into your life will be a bonus. The cherry on top of your Sundae.

What’s stopping you from being happy right now?
Are you having a hard time letting go? You won’t be happy until you forgive yourself for the situations, the things, and the people you have placed in your life. Take responsibility for everything that goes wrong around you. Allow yourself to receive help without depending on it.

What’s stopping you from being happy right now?



The Nerve of Me

Am I too arrogant for wanting to achieve something that will one day get a building named after me? Are my dreams too far out of reach? Why am I asking you?

I like to believe that I am a man who doesn’t care what people think of him, but keeping a faith of such is an ongoing practice. It seems impossible to hold a faith in humanity and not take heed to their opinions of me. I think Man is cool, and for it, he thinks I am a fool.

How does Mankind walk around as if he is the entire center of the Universe, but not believe in himself enough to carry on with his fantastic expectations? Man is too inconsistent. If Man really understood my expectations for him he’d put me in a nuthouse. And the way I get anxiety from barely getting by makes me feel that it would be justified to happen.

Am I too arrogant for wanting to achieve something that will one day get a building named after me? Is my thirst for love too high to match?

I may be 6’6″, but the top of my head is not so hard to reach. The problem is that too many are convinced that the only way to reach it is from the outside.

I’ve never been impressed by things. Even when I try to convince myself to love tangible items, I can only seem to attach myself to the feeling I get from experience. I feel the same way about people. I may appear to be drawn to the visual effects, the glamorous glitters, and the sparkly lights, but I am more kept by the way it makes me feel and the way I can make it feel in return. I’m more about the plot than the title. I’d rather turn the pages in the book than stare at the cover.

I am probably doomed to walk the earth alone, bouncing from object to object. It sounds horrible, but somehow it seems more respectable than settling. I’ve already punished myself enough. Why would I put more pain on my shoulders by pasting myself to a wall that isn’t trying to move?

Am I too arrogant to not fit in with the crowd? Who cares…




  1. The weakest thing you can do is broadcast the mistakes of others, and keep quiet about their accomplishments.
    Haters are everywhere. Most of them don’t even know they hate- when they do. They watch you walk 50 miles a day without cheering you on, but as soon as you twist your ankle they gain a sudden boost of energy. They take pictures and post them on all 5 of their social networking sites. They also send the pic to all of your friends to make sure that they know that you’re not so perfect, just like them. Meanwhile, each step you made in the 50 miles you walked before the stumble was barefoot on a heated road filled with broken glass and iodine and you smiled the entire time, even though nobody noticed.

    I say, screw them. You just did something that they’ll never be able to do in their entire lives and instead of asking you to help them accomplish what you did, they’d rather stay behind because they were too offended by the strength in your character. As a result, a professional walker with thousands of miles under his belt has just been reduced and will forever be known as the man who stumbled. That shit is weak.

  2. The weakest thing you can do is pull the difference card to generalize every disturbance.
    If you don’t understand a situation, the most ignorant thing you can do is blame it on the first difference you notice.

    A man gets pulled over by the police for loud music and he thinks the cop doesn’t let him go without a fine because he’s black. A boss hires a man over a woman, and the woman thinks she didn’t get the job because she has breasts. A straight man fights a gay man in a grocery store and the straight man is automatically accused of being a homophobic gay-basher. Well, I think that’s bull-shit. If they didn’t call you a nigger, kick you in the vagina, or guard their penis while they fought you, why can’t you just assume the asshole didn’t like you? It’s true, people do discriminate, but thinking it’s the reason for everything bad that happens only makes you miserable and is completely pointless. Especially when it is not always the case. To not say that maybe you should have turned your music down, or maybe the guy was more qualified, or maybe I did something wrong is an act of the fainted heart. That shit is weak.

  3. The weakest thing you can do is blame someone else for the outcome of your life.
    There are two sides to every story. There’s your side, and their side. You are responsible for what happens on your side. You write the pages. You decide what to do, who to follow, and what to research or not. Putting your life in others hands is still your fault if they don’t take care of it the way you hoped they would. Get control of your own life, if you don’t it’s still your fault for what happens in it and not anyone else’s. Stop thinking people have power over your life. That shit is weak.
  4. The weakest thing you can do is follow a trend you do not understand.
    People with no identity are quick to jump into trends they know nothing about. As a result, the things others are so passionate about get watered down by others who are just trying to fit in wherever they can. As a result, Yoga has lost its spiritual authenticity. Hip-Hop has turned into rap. The ALS awareness campaign is now only known as the ice bucket challenge. We’ve got about 100 people who like to stick their legs in the water fountain without cleaning their feet.

    A man who cannot sell himself will sell anything else. That shit is weak.

  5. The weakest thing you can do is submit to your circumstances instead of trying to change them.
    “How you doing, Bro?” I ask.
    “Maintaining.” He says, with a smile.
    Maintaining has never been anyone’s strong suit. I understand you trying to stay humble and all, but we have to be humble while confidently moving forward.

    You know damn well you don’t like the way you feel about what is going on around you, but you do nothing and deal with it as if it’s your only choice. You feel as if those are the cards you have been dealt and instead of changing the game to make the cards work in your favor, you’d rather keep trying to play spades with your Uno cards. That shit is weak.

  6. The weakest thing you can do is believe what you see on TV and not do a little research of your own.
    It sucks that I even have to explain this one. It seems like every Monday there are about 5 reality TV shows that play out. As soon as the programs end, everyone thinks they know everything there is to know about relationships. They don’t trust a single soul after watching their soap operas. It’s the same results for those who only watch the news. For some people, what happens on the news is their only depiction of what is happening in the entire Universe. Since 90% of the things they show on the news are bad, it leaves them in a state of fear. Bad news is draining, good news is exhilarating. But people would rather stop and wallow in the convenience of what they are told instead of finding truths of their own. That shit is weak.
  7. The weakest thing you can do is just try to get by on the bear minimum.
    Too many people have extremely low expectations of themselves. It’s not that they don’t want to live it up with the best nouns in life, but they don’t really believe they can get them. They think that the people who do get to experience the best are the lucky ones. That shit is weak.
  8. The weakest thing you can do is put things off for later.
    Of all the things I have been guilty of, procrastinating is one of the easiest flaws to acknowledge. I could be doing so many other things at once and have one task in particular to do and use those other things for an excuse as to why I shouldn’t do it right away. It’s the easiest way to not get it done. That shit is weak.
  9. The weakest thing you can do is shut people out because you’re afraid of being hurt.
    No new friends
    Love don’t pay the bills
    I’m just doing me
    blah blah blah are all acts of cowardice. You want knew friends, you’re just afraid of the chance in them not being loyal to what YOU want. You want somebody to love you and you have so much love to give in return, but you got your heart in this lil box where you think it’ll be safe from being stabbed. Meanwhile, your heart doesn’t get any of the exorcise it needs. No matter what excuse you come up with for distancing yourself, you will ultimately end up alone because you are too afraid to have company. That shit is weak.
  10. The weakest thing you can do is have a dream and not be willing to do anything about it.
    The fire is burning inside of your heart. It calls you every morning when you wake up, and it’s the last thing you think about before you go to bed. But you ignore the flame because your stomach warns you of the pain you will endure in order to make those dreams a reality. You don’t even make plans to make it happen. That shit is weak.
  11. The weakest thing you can do is judge others for not thinking the same way or having the same values as you.
    No one is a bad person because they don’t have the same religion. No one is bad because they didn’t choose a mate of the opposite sex. No one is bad because they find comfort in working at McDonald’s, and no one is bad because they do or don’t live their lives through their children. To think they are, is the best way to contradict the freedoms in the things you like to do. They could look at you the same way and it wouldn’t make either one of you better than the next. We can’t all be the same. And I’m glad we’re not because that shit would be weak.
  12. The weakest thing you can do is to complain about everything you see.

    I’m a very insatiable person. But when things don’t get done my way I try my best to do it myself, or at least help. Complaining is a sign of helplessness. You only complain when you can’t do. If you can do and still complain, it’s because you’re lazy. If you complain past that, you’re just not happy with yourself and will never find a way to be happy with anything else. If you can’t do, shut up and let those who are trying do what they can. Sitting back and talking down about it doesn’t help much of anything. That shit is weak.



Hara-Kiri, or Nah?

To whomever cares… I know you’re out there- somewhere.

You don’t have to answer this.  I just need to vent.  The pressures of chasing after something that might not happen are extremely difficult. Especially when you are haunted by the feeling that the thing that may not happen is your soul purpose in life.

Sometimes,  I feel like you’re the only one I can reach that can help make sense of the shit that goes through my head.  I know everything doesn’t have to make sense,  but most days making sense of senselessness is the only sensation that can help to numb the pain.

I feel lost, Man… I hurt. The days where I feel like I have NOTHING left are becoming too frequent.  I’m probably at the lowest point in my life and the only thing that makes me doubt that harsh reality is the fact that every time I think I have hit rock bottom,  I sink even lower. My love life is shit. I’m broke. Lonely. And growing impatient. Everyone I care about thinks I’m living in a fantasy world, or suffering through some sort of phase, or midlife crisis. Many days it seems as if the main people I want love from the most can only return the love I show with words. They say that sometimes you love a person in a language they don’t understand, but there are libraries of books with more viable translations than Rosetta Stone has yet to even catch up with. What language do I study to convince the people I love that they don’t have to be ashamed of me, and the sacrifices I have made was not only for my self, but also a desperate attempt to gain their affection?

Lately, I have been brought down to the point where I can’t even get shit done because I’m too afraid of results that may not even come.  All that said, I can’t find the strength to let go. They think I’m crazy, the bill collectors are calling, and my kids are wondering why we haven’t been to see Mickey Mouse. I turn to you because I know you’ve been here. Everyone who has ever accomplished anything great can vouch for my current dilemma, but these days, I’m starting to think that maybe they were just the lucky ones.

This state right here… is man-made. It has to be. Honestly, there have been many times where I’ve felt like the only way to leave it- is to leave it.

As a result of this lonely train of though, the drive to become successful has been on a bitter road.  Most days I feel like stepping on the gas and veering off into a ditch at full speed. I won’t,  but it’s a miserable feeling to wonder how many people would care if I did. There will probably be 1,001 people crying at my funeral,  but I don’t have the confidence to not wonder how many of their tears would be genuine. I’m ready to just quit. Get a meaningless job in a mediocre house and a mediocre car just to please mediocre minded people.

These are the cards I’ve dealt for myself,  and there are no more left in the deck. No more tunnel vision. I’m ready to join the living dead and forfeit my desires to a more safer lifestyle. I’m ready to submit to my fears as everyone around me would love to see me do because I feel that even if I get where I’m trying to go, I’ll be there by my lonesome. What good are all the legendary accolades that come with staying strong, if I don’t have the people I love around to enjoy them with. Now I truly understand what it means, when successful people talk about how lonely it is at the top.

With my luck, if I do decide to quit, it will be a few inches short of the goals I’ve lusted for my entire life. Then I’ll have to live with the pain of wondering how good things might have been had I not stopped. Tug of war is a game that is only played by the strong, and I’ve grabbed the rope with a pair of bleeding hands that were already scarred from giving up on so many other dreams for the same reasons. I jumped in line with no gloves, and no practice because I believed in myself more than I probably should have.

Motivational speakers, preachers, life coaches, and philosophers should begin their speeches by saying, “Follow your dreams- unless you’ve already started on another path because the transition can sometimes be too much for mankind”.

Caterpillars go through a lot of pain before they turn into a butterfly, but they have the luxury to do it boldly because they will never have to hear the overwhelming statistics about how they can get stuck in their cocoons until Man feels he is not directly affected by their (the caterpillars) swathes.

I wouldn’t recommend this journey to anyone who has never had a single stroke of luck- of any kind. If you do, prepare to lose the battle of keeping those you hold dear in the process. Prepare to form new bonds. Today, I have made a horrible discovery of the main reason so many people get big, and leave everything and everyone behind… Other people.



Sleeping With The Enemy

WARNING!!! Never go to bed with pride. Pride will screw you over. 

Pride only wants to slut you with its dreadful conditions. It may approach you in a very comfortable manner at first… but once you lie down with it, pride will give you a thrashing you’ll never forget. It will tear down your walls and use your body until it is old and spent, and when it’s done, it will leave you naked – lying next to a cold sink hole that was once filled by the much warmer spirit you chose to neglect.

Once you’ve been screwed, it will leave you behind with a cluttered mind, and a tired heart. All that will be left of your body would be a broken down shell to protect them with. Ultimately… You’ll end up stuck in a place where only other miserable people can find you and you’ll do nothing from there but look at the entire world as if it is just one big lonely habitat for inane entities. After all of that, pride will mark you as just another notch on its belt and move on to the next host as if you’ve never existed.



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